


The Surprise Adventure

by BudBrock



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Friendship, Modern Girls in Middle Earth, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-03-31 20:54:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13983141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BudBrock/pseuds/BudBrock
Summary: The White Council knew what Gandalf was helping the Dwarrow do. So what if they couldn't sneak out of Rivendell, and the only way to continue the quest was to assure Saruman that they had the blessing of the Valar. Otherwise Elrond wouldn't read their map. So the Dwarrow have to go before the Coucil as they ask the Valar for a sign.Cue confusion, chaos and culture clash.Or, the MGiME trope that is neither depressing because someone tried to make it too realistic or the happy MarySue every one wishes they could be but hates because that too is unrealistic and forces our favorite characters to be OOC.





	1. We Have a Problem

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing but my ideas and OCs

“For the last time Tharkùn, I will not stand my entire company before the elves.”

The words were practically a growl in Gandalfs face. Said Wizard merely raised a brow, unwilling to allow the would-be king to see his frustration. “I’ll have you know your Majesty, that the wisdom of Lord Elrond and her Ladyship Galadriel far exceed that of any normal elf.”

“And that is supposed to mean something to me wizard? I have seen the wisdom of elves before; forgive me then if I am less than impressed.”

Gandalf resisted the urge to smack him upside the head with his staff. He doubted that it would do anyone any good, let alone assist him in convincing the stubborn dwarf to do as he asked. “Perhaps you do not understand the importance of this, Lord Elrond will not read the map until you gain a blessing..”

“I do not need a blessing from elves!”

Gandalf backtracked mentally. “No, not the elves.”

The wizard sighed. He did not want to have to explain just what was going on. Upon arriving at Rivendell Gandalf found that the Lord of Imladris had been expecting them. Well Gandalf anyway, the dwarves were entirely unexpected. The wizard was as surprised as Elrond looked when he told him of the impromptu council meeting he was to attend. Gandalf did not have to wonder what was transpiring for long when Saruman confronted him with quite the sour expression. Goodness, he had barely entered the room and Saruman pounced.

Of course he was displeased with Gandalfs meddling. Although the grey wizard had suspicions about the white there was no way to properly bring them up for discussion. Therefore, they let the white wizard rant while they silently conversed amongst themselves about what to do. Lord Elrond had agreed with Lady Galadriel and Mithrandìr about the ally they would have if the mountain were to be recovered. His Lordship however was hesitant due to the consequences that may occur.

Ultimately it may have been three to one, but Saruman fought tooth and nail on the subject. Apparently, they were not permitted to be cautious with the fate of Middle Earth. Oh, Gandalf tried convincing him. He laid the sword Radagast had given down on the table, and while it solidified Galadriel’s resolve and convinced Elrond. It seemed to hardly faze their head wizard.

“It is just a sword of a human sorcerer, nothing more. That is hardly a reason, let alone evidence to anything sinister, to help these…Dwarves to take on a dragon!” Well then, a backup plan appeared to be needed. It took some great convincing to have Saruman agree to a Testament of the Valar though. Gandalf hoped to keep the sword and his own goals secret, if only not to worry the Company with things that may not even come to pass. After all, having to deal with a dragon was enough of a mental burden. Gandalf thought that perhaps it was good he tell them about the blessing though.

“It is not the elves blessing that they are seeking. As the White Council they wish to see if this quest should take place by asking a blessing from the Valar.” Gandalf had to hold back a smile at the look on Thorins face. The King in exiles head whipped around in search of his advisor, and while Balin was quite stalwart, he too was surprised. The dwarrow stared at one another for a moment before the elder of the two cleared his throat to speak.

“So this…White Council” Gandalf waited for the old advisor to collect his thoughts. “…they have contact with the Valar?”

“Well, not regularly, but yes.”

“And, if I may be so bold as to ask” Balin hesitated. Gandalf inclined his head, motioning for him to continue. “What is the purpose of the White Council exactly?”

“It is the duty of the Council to oversee the fate of Middle Earth, among other things.”

Thorin stared at him quizzically. “And how would our journey to the Iron Hills affect the fate of Middle Earth?”

Gandalf sighed. Her we go “I can assure you, while they didn’t pry into your business, it was quite obvious to the leader of our group what you hoped to gain in this venture. I didn’t have to say a word; you lot are about as obvious as a wounded warg.”

Thorin was mad before, but now he was livid. A hand lain on his shoulder kept him rooted in place and his mouth shut however as he continued to let Balin speak. “We can assure you that this venture is not a suicide mission. Princess Dìs herself, as you may well know, is blessed with excellent intuition as all Durins Women have been. It borders on foresight. She would not have let her brother, let alone both of her sons, out of her sight if this be a fool’s errand.” The wizard had thought as much.

“I am not the one that needs convincing I’m afraid. Though please do not doubt that I believe you. Nevertheless, Saruman is entirely different. If you truly believe this quest is to take place then you have nothing to fear.” Thorin seemed mollified, if only for the moment, so Gandalf left them to decide.

“Thorin, I think this is a good thing.” Thorin did not speak or look at Balin as he strode down the hall and back toward the balcony where they had set up camp. Balin kept up easily with the stomping king. After a few moments, Thorin rounded on the older dwarf.

“Why?” It was more a command but at least, Balin thought, he is considering it.

“Because we have nothing to lose, if we don’t get a blessing I doubt disapproving elves will stop you from leaving. Moreover, if we do get one, we stand to gain everything; do you really think it would hurt to have a blessing? And from the Valar themselves no less!” The old advisor could see the forge at work behind his leaders eyes and waited patiently for his decision.

“Tell the others what is going on and to pack up and be ready to leave, blessing or no.” Thorin hefted a sigh. “We will see what our Maker has to say.” Balin nodded satisfied.

Well, it was a start. Better tell the Company to start praying too while they’re at it.


	2. It All Started On a Wednesday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

 

Emily awoke to the smell of cooking bacon. She inhaled the scent before debating with herself on whether or not she should sleep in a little longer.

 

The decision was made for her when her younger sister Katherine, though they all called her Kay, poked her head through her doorway without knocking.

 

“Dad’s making bacon.” Emily grunted. “He says it’s time to get up.” She grunted again. Honestly, Kay should know by now that her voice didn’t work until she had her first cup of tea.

 

Be that as it may her sister left after a moment to let her get dressed. She was not a morning person by any stretch of the imagination, and hated the hours 1 through 7 A.M with a burning passion.

 

Not wanting her father to inquire after her sluggish nature she sat up in bed and thread her fingers through her hair. They caught slightly on a few braids she had put in the previous morning, a new habit she picked up to help keep her hair from her face. She had four, one set was braided from her temples down in front of her ears, and the other was French braided behind her ears.

 

Emily sighed; her brothers had teased her over her choice of hairstyle saying, “If she didn’t regularly wax under her chin she could play a female dwarf”. She didn’t help her case by correcting them, “They’re called dwarrowdams.”

 

She brushed off their attempts at humor and continued to put small braids in her hair because, screw them, she wanted to and they looked awesome.

 

Emily rose from her bed and threw on a t-shirt and her favorite black jeans. Making her way to the kitchen she hugged her dad and grunted a “good morning”.

 

“Morning to you too. Are you packed yet?” She grunted. “Get packed, we leave tomorrow and everything needs to be accounted for.” She grunted again, thank goodness dad at least understood “Sleep-Speak”.

 

After breakfast she picked up her new extra large travel back pack and began the very familiar event of packing.

 

_Camping in Sister Bay will be colder than normal so I’ll pack some extra hoodies and blankets, other than that I shouldn’t need much, let’s see._

 

She strode between her bedroom, the bathroom and downstairs where the laundry was, so she could pack.

 

_5 pairs of jeans, 10 pairs of underwear -just in case-, 6 bras, 12 shirts; Oh, I’ll need an outfit for Sunday when we get back, let’s see. Long black skirt, sleeveless black turtle neck, jacket to wear over said turtle neck, and, why not, my favorite long black dress -just in case_

 

She didn’t need more than one nice outfit, but hey, she may just change her mind.

 

_Flip-flops, I’ll wear my boots there, tennis shoes, and my black flats. Now shampoo, conditioner, my body-wash, tooth-brush and toothpaste_

 

_There, done. Wait, no, socks. I need socks._

 

After stuffing three pairs of socks into her pack she deemed herself done. Her pack was barely half full, though there was more than plenty in it, and not too heavy for her to carry, which was the important part.

 

**_It’s not enough_ **

 

Emily physically stopped at the notion. Of course it was enough, she’s been camping long enough to now that everything she packed would actually be _more_ than enough for the week.

 

**_Another toothbrush and tube of toothpaste_ **

 

…ok. Odd thought, but ok.

 

This wasn’t the first time something like this had happened to her. The first time she could remember, was when she was barely four. She had told her babysitter that she was going to have a baby sister. She didn’t know how she knew, the idea just popped into her head and she trusted it as fact.

 

Problem was, her mom wasn’t even pregnant. The baby sitter told them what she said and congratulated them much to her parent’s confusion. Though to their chagrin almost a year later Katherine came into the world proving her correct. After that Emily also predicted her nephew, her niece and her niece’s name, among other things in her life.

 

The one time she ignored this little feeling or, sudden thoughts, however was not a happy memory.

 

For nine straight years since she was four Emily attended camp where her grandparents were the groundskeepers in Northern Kentucky. And for some odd reason, once every year on this campground it rained heavily during camp.

 

That was fact.

 

That day happened to be when that year’s torrential rainfall occurred. The day started normal enough and she was having fun. Her and her cousin wanted to swing at the playground, so they made their way down to the swing set.

 

When they got there her cousin ignored all the mud underneath the swings and set herself in one. Emily physically stopped though and stared at the swings. A picture of her crying sitting in the mud puddle beneath came to mind. It soon left when Amber Lee, her cousin, told her they didn’t have a lot of time left to play before supper.

 

Forgetting the forewarning she too climbed onto the seat of one of the old wooden swings and started pumping her legs.

 

What happened next was difficult for her to completely recall as most of it was a blur.

 

She knew that she fell backward off the swing landing head first in the mud puddle, ( _Kentucky doesn’t actually have mud it’s all mostly mucky clay soil that sticks to everything_ ) and the next thing she knew her cousin was running toward her with every available female camp worker. After that she’s being led behind all the cabins, stripped of her mucky clothes, bathed in baby shampoo and sent to her grandparent’s house on grounds in nothing but a towel.

 

Nothing is more embarrassing for a nine year old then banging on a locked door hoping above all else that one of your grandparents is home, and you don’t have to go traipsing around the campgrounds in nothing but a towel to try and find them.

 

So when the thought strikes her that she needs an extra toothbrush and toothpaste, though thinking it odd, she complies. She was not reliving anything remotely resembling that incident, thank you very much.

 

It would’ve been easy to simply follow that request and then forget about it. But the nagging feeling didn’t go away.

 

**_Ok, now you need pads_ **

 

Wait, wait. Hold your horses. _Really?_

 

She waited another second before thinking. _Better safe than sorry._ So she found her girlie items stashed in her room and stuffed a few in there.

 

**_Not enough, take all of them_ **

 

_What?! That’s ridiculous!_

 

She almost said it out loud, then realized she’d be arguing with herself. _Fine. Even the tamp…_

 

**_Especially those_ **

 

She stood after stuffing every single girly item she had in a back pocket of her back.

 

“Alright then, I’m preparing for something big that’s about to happen for some odd reason or another. Anything else me?”

 

**_Snacks, lots of snacks_ **

 

**_Forget the flip flops and flats_ **

 

**_Band-Aids, your knee brace, arm brace, ankle wrap and ace bandage_ **

 

**_Aloe Vera… Make that the Aloe Vera with lidocaine_ **

 

Emily shuddered. What in the world? Ok, whatever. Worst case scenario, she runs around with too much stuff.

 

She quickly packed everything that popped into her brain.

 

**_Knives! Don’t forget your knives!_ **

 

Emily didn’t bother putting her two pocket knives into her pack. The urgency and slight adrenaline she received from the thought had her keeping them in her pants’ pockets. Whatever herself was trying to prepare her for, was now officially worrying her.

 

Was it too late to ask dad if she could stay home?

 

**_And your notebook, pens, shampoo, conditioner, soap, hairbrush, hairpins…._ **

 

Stuffing the last items into her pack she noticed that, while not quite full, her army brand rucksack was definitely fulfilling its purpose. She didn’t need to expand the bottom or sides as they were barely distended.

 

Her favorite things about her new backpack are the buckles on the bottom designed to hold a bedroll, the straps and buckles on the front that keep the pack attached to your person and the built in bladder lining the front.

 

Well, whatever crazy thing she and possibly her family were about to get into, at least she could rest somewhat easy being prepared. Sorta prepared, but prepared none the less.

 

Emily dragged her back pack and set it down in front of the front door where all of her family’s luggage was lined up to be packed.

 

“Emi!” Emily’s head whipped around at the call of her name and she made her way towards the stairs that lead up into her parents bedroom.

 

“Yeah!” She shouted up the steps.

 

“Catch!” Her mother threw her favorite duffel bag down the stairs. It wasn’t the first time, nor would it be the last, that her mother’s done this. So Emily caught the bag easily and set it down by hers at the front door.

 

“Don’t forget to pack your vitamins! And hey! Are you planning to wax before we leave? We’re getting back in time for church this Sunday!” Emily sighed at her mother’s prodding.

 

“No! We’re just going camping! I’ll do it when we get back! OH! And thanks for reminding me, I’ll go grab them.”

 

Emily’s hairy chin was due to a hormonal imbalance. Her mother, being the all naturalist she is, found a way to regulate it naturally. So she flung open the cabinet door and grabbed her supplements.

 

Her eyes caught the label of a bottle of ibuprofen and she grabbed it without hesitation. If their trip was gonna need Aloe Vera with lidocaine then grabbing a bottle of ibuprofen wouldn’t hurt anything.

 

**_Aspirin too_ **

 

_But I can’t take Aspirin._

 

_……..FINE_

 

She grabbed the Aspirin and stuffed it beside the ibuprofen, AKA ranger candy, in her pack.

 

Whatever this trip had in store, it was going to be a doozy.

 

“Hey guys.”

 

“Hey Kimi, Amb; you ready?”

 

“Yea just give us a sec. Amb’s grabbing our solar charger.”

 

“Cool, I can’t wait to show you guys Sister Bay.”

 

Kimberly climbed in the van and sat beside her younger cousin Kay. Both Kimi and Amber Lee had traveled up from Kentucky during summer vacation to go camping with them.

 

“I’m here! We can go now!” Emily and Amber Lee sat in the captains chairs.

 

“Alright” Her dad started the engine. “All in for Hootersville!”

 

The drive was at least 3 hours but Sister Bay was worth it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)


	3. Human Missile

Emily took a deep breath as soon as she was a safe distance away from the outhouse. Her dad had dropped them off at one of the trails around the bay so they could hike while her mom and he drove around to pick the campsite. Her, her sister and cousins grabbed their bags, hopped out of the van and stretched, thankful for freedom. Kay was too anxious to show their cousins the rocky outcroppings along the shore of the bay to wait on Emily’s bathroom visit. She didn’t bother asking them to either. They’d all been cooped up in the van long enough.

She speed walked down to the shore enjoying the light breeze that carried across Sister Bay. Emily made it to the little trail map and had to face palm. Kay didn’t tell her which trail they were going to take.

_Ugh really? Ok, great, barely turned 20 and the new adult of the group already lost them! Ok think_

Emily spun in a circle and noticed an older couple seated on a weathered bench by the shore. She approached them and waved awkwardly to garner their attention. “Hi, sorry to bother you but, have you seen three girls pass by recently? My sister forgot to tell me which way they were headed.” She nervously straightened her glasses.

“Oh, I think we did. They’re was a couple of groups that just passed.” The lady spoke up before her husband could. She seemed nice and looked about 5 years away from grandparent status if she wasn’t one already. “What do your sister and her friends look like hun?”

“My sisters hair is extremely curly and probably would’ve been put up in a bun. The other two are our cousins, they’re both Asian.”

“Oh yes. They asked us where the map was. They took the trail loop on the right.”

“Thank you so much!” Emily waved at them as she ran back toward the trails, her backpack only hindering her slightly.

“No problem hun! I hope you catch up!” She waved at the lady again to let her now she heard her while she continued to run. Maybe she should have left her pack in the van.

_**NO** _

Yeah, never mind, it’s probably best she catches up to them quickly. Surprisingly it didn’t take as long as she thought it would have. The forest grew right up to the water and was thick with pine, fir, oak and maple trees. Some were already changing color even though it was only August, and every tree branch around her swayed lazily from the breeze off the bay. Emily spotted them up the trail after a few minutes of jogging, though only slightly. A few trees obscured most of her vision, but she’d recognize those old backpacks anywhere. She couldn’t wait to sit down beside them so she could dip her feet in the water. Now that they were in sight, she slowed down to catch her breath. Dang asthma was killing her. She was so focused on evening out her breathing she almost missed the startled scream.

“Kimberly!” Emily broke out into a run again. She watched terrified as Amber Lee’s name was shouted next.

_What was happening!? Stupid trees!_

“What’s going o…Katheryn!” She watched as her sister was seemingly pulled into the water below the rocks as if yanked by the back of her pants.

“What the…!” Emily puffed as she halted right at the spot where her sister had just been standing. She looked down into the depths of the water trying to see what had happened to them. The water wasn’t rippling, there were no air bubbles and no movement.

_How!? There wasn’t even a reason for them to have fallen in. Unless they had been rough housing and someone fell in by accident? So Kay and Kimi just went in to help Amb, right? Except….WHERE WERE THEY!?_

Emily leaned down further to try and see….something! When she felt as if an invisible hand had grabbed the front of her shirt and yanked her into the water, except….

….she never hit water.

* * *

 

Fìlì let out a guffaw at the sight Bombùr made trying to get up off the floor, and he wasn’t the only one. Though he noticed their Hobbit burglar was not amused in the slightest and still appeared to be quite uncomfortable. Though in all honesty Master Baggins, in Fìlì’s opinion, was always uncomfortable.

“Alright lads listen up now.” Fìlì turned at the sound of Balins voice. “We best be prepared to leave in haste, Thorin’s orders.”

“What’s happened now?” Dwalin huffed at his brother.

“It seems Elrond will not read our map unless we have a blessing from the Valar.” Fìlì shouted alongside his brother in indignation. Half of the company did the same with mixed degrees of rage at the notion.

“Quiet down! You all know as well as I that Lady Dìs blessed this venture.”

“But how are we supposed to get a direct blessing in time!? Tis just a tactic to keep us from leaving! Why those blasted…”

“Thank you for the input Gloìn. We’ve already thought of that. The elves’ll be askin on our behalf, we are but required to show up; even you Burglar. So pack up everything ya can and come along.” There was a bit of grumbling, but only over the loss of down time. They divided the work amongst themselves and packed anything that was unnecessary for a night of rest.

“Do you think Mahal will bless us Fee?” When Fìlì turned to face his brother, he saw the worry in his eyes. So, he gave Kìlì his most confident smile.

“Not to worry Nadadìth. If mother says Oìn was right about the portents, then surely Mahal will help us be rid of elvish company.” He finished counting his knives to make she he had them all. “Now come along, we wouldn’t want to miss whatever new insults Uncle has thought up.” Kìlì smiled back at him. If Fìlì was certain they would be blessed, then they would be blessed. So he followed his brother along with the company down the corridors of the last homely house of the sea.

Of course an elf had to escort them the rest of the way. Fìlì noted, with barely concealed mirth, that their guide was the same elf at dinner; the one that Kìlì nearly hit with an especially ripe tomato. To bad he missed, he would have to help his brother improve his aim. The elf led them to a spacious courtyard. Fìlì could see where a path led away from the grassy expanse to small garden by a low stone wall. As any dwarf he wasn’t one for foliage, but he could admit that the blooming flowers in the moonlight were rather pretty. The colors were far too pale for his taste.

“We are assembled as you as you wished. What now?” Uncle appeared to be seething, Fìlì sighed. He didn’t really like elves either though he certainly didn’t hate them. These elves had been rather gracious hosts, he could admit, and were most definitely not Woodland elves. For all the nasty things he’s heard about them, Fìlì knew it was really only one elf’s fault. Now him he held hatred for.

“….stand as such.” Uh oh. He really should have been listening. Fìlì stood where he was told. He resisted the urge to fidget out of nervousness beside his Uncle and brother. Apparently if they were to be blessed it would be apparent as the blessing for favor would need to be bestowed upon a Durin. It all sounded like some elaborately desperate plot to sooth someone’s hurt pride; in other words, _silly and unnecessary_.

The company stood across from them, the two wizards to Fìlì’s left and the elves to his right. He wasn’t sure what was happening, but the longer they stood there the more angry he could hear his Uncle become.

“What is it we are wai…..”

Fìlì didn’t quite catch the end of his Uncle’s sentence as something hit him square in the chest. The wind was nearly knocked out of him as whatever hit him rolled him across the ground before he stopped, the thing pinning him flat on his back.


	4. This Ain't Kanses er, I Mean Sister Bay

“Fìlì!”

A fierce cry rang out among the company, but the blonde prince was practically deaf to it. The thing that landed on top of him turned out to be a person. A rather pretty person in Fìlì’s opinion, with the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. She…He…er, they stared back at him with no less amazement, and he felt his heart race as their hair brushed over his cheek. It was so soft and smelled absolutely wonderful. Fìlì flushed red as he became acutely aware of just how close he and…they were. He continued to marvel at the beauty before him, male or female he couldn’t quite tell but found he didn’t particularly care.

_Their beard was just coming in, but oh was it lovely_

He knew with absolute certainty that Mahal had blessed him. This was his One.

All too soon, he felt the comfortable wait of his newly found beloved lifted.

* * *

WHAT THE!? This was…there were no words. How on earth do you rationalize this!?!?

Emily froze on top of her safety cushion as she registered exactly what it was she landed on.

_Ok, nice that the dude broke my fall bu…OH, he’s hot. No, No, No, Not now, think! Why is he wearing old timey clothes, where the heck am I? WHERE ARE MY GIRLS!? Woah! Hey!_

Somewhere in the midst of her internal ranting a large hand grabbed the back of her hoodie and yanked her to her feet. She tried to yell at whoever decided to manhandle her, only to have nothing come out. Emily started panicking. She couldn’t talk, **she couldn’t make any noise!** She flailed desperately against whoever was holding her, jabbing elbows and kneeing anything anywhere near her.

_Get away! Get away! Get away!_

“STOP! Uncle let them go!”

The furious movement around her stopped and she found herself dropped roughly to the ground. Thankfully, she has a rather padded bum, to put it lightly, so it didn’t really hurt. But Emily was barely registering anything as she shot back up off the ground and spun in circles, taking in as much of her new environment as she could. It looked like she was on a grassy terrace surrounded by an LoTR cosplay group. Except……they were all really, _really_ , **really** , authentic.

_What?_

No matter how many circles she spun, her scenery didn’t change. She even tried clicking her heels together 3 times. Though that was more out of desperation, she didn’t really expect that tactic to work. Wrong fandom.

“Oh for the love of my hammer, STOP SPINNIN LAD! YER’ MAKIN ME DIZZY!”

Two freaking huge hands landed on her shoulders and turned her to face the crowd of, undoubtedly though she wasn’t sure how, dwarrow. She was still breathing fast and terrified beyond measure, but the hands seemed to help ground her. Emily looked up into the face attached to the larger than they should be hands, and found the same blonde dude uh…dwarf, she had landed on.

“Are you alright?”

They were about the same height, how bout that?

* * *

Thorin raptly watched how his eldest sister-son socialized with their…blessing? It seems, with the way the lad acted upon arrival, that they were not the only ones surprised over current events. The lad, for he undoubtedly was a lad, made the strangest youngling he had ever laid eyes upon.

The outer coat he wore was of a soft dense material he had never come across in his many travels. When he pulled him off his nephew, he felt the fabric. It was most definitely expensive and quite the luxury, though only the fabric of the arms was dyed a rich blue color. The breeches he wore appeared just as sturdy and were of fine make as well. And his shoes! What in Mahal’s name were those!?

This lad is their sign from Mahal and he was going to take it and rub it in that shocked white wizards face. The youngling was obviously from wealthy stock wherever he came from. Though, where exactly is a mystery. His outer coat had writing on it, and though the script resembled Westron, Thorin could not make heads or tails of it. Not to mention his hair! It was as plain as the nose on a dwarrows face just what kind of blessing this lad was. What other purpose would a non-dwarf have of wearing not only courting braids on each side of his head, but the Durin’s Royal braids at his temple? No one outside family knows how to make those braids. Those 4 section of hair spoke volumes! None of them had beads of course, but their meanings broadcasted loud and clear for even the most stubborn of dwarrow to understand.

“Do you see what I do Balin?” Thorin gestured to his heir without turning to look at his advisor. The blonde dwarf was currently trying to calm the distressed lad down.

“I believe I do. Who would have thought one would simply need to ask for such happiness in order to gain it? If only it were this simple for everyone.” Balin sighed.

“Not quite simple. Tell me, can you read the youngling’s coat?” Thorin turned to look at the elder to watch his expression.

“I’m afraid I cannot. Perhaps we have another set of problems on our hands now.”

“Perhaps” Thorin turned back and watched with a small smirk as Fìlì was now introducing his One to the rest of the company smiling like the sun. “However, tis quite a blessing.”

The company openly gawked at the lad hardly able to say hello; tripping over their own tongues as they were. Thorin had to hold back a laugh at the different shocked faces they made while Fìlì introduced them to his “fallen star”. The poor lad looked just as confused. Kìlì however was smiling as brightly as his brother, seemingly taking this all in stride. No doubt, he knew exactly what was going on between his brother and the new arrival. Thorin could see he was truly happy for Fìlì as he was.

Now was the most inopportune time for love, in his opinion. But, he would not say anything against it; in fact he would help it if he could. For his opinion mattered little as this gift was given to Fìlì by their maker himself. Dìs would have his hide if he was anything but supportive as well. Thorin shuddered at the thought of an angry sister.


	5. Sorry, The Flash Was On

“…and this is Bofùr, Bombùr and Bifùr their cousin. Don’t mind Bifùr he’s not as scary as he looks.” Emily shook their hands as Fìlì listed them off.

_Ok….either this is a very elaborate dream. Or…..or what? What else could this be? I’m either dreaming or it’s real. But, how do I prove it? Pinch myself? No, I could just imagine that kind of pain. Stab myself? No, too extreme. What am I thinking?! Ok, just breath, breath. It will eventually become obvious if you’re dreaming or not Em, after all even your subconscious isn’t this good._

And that was the problem. She could see every blade of grass. She could hear all the dwarrow mumbling to themselves. Not to mention they didn’t look like they did in the movies. Sure, their basic features were the same, but there were some big differences. Like, Bifùr had a lot more silver in his hair, and his ax blade was sticking out of the top of his head. Not out of his forehead. Bombùr didn’t have a giant braid across his chest, but he still was the biggest dwarf. Bofùr had a full beard under his mustache; and it was a fabulous mustache. It put Jerry Colona’s to absolute _shame_. Dwalin’s beard had more gray in it as well. Norì’s hair, while braided all over the place, was without 3 points and his eyebrows were not braided into his hair. It was strange seeing the little differences. Peter Jackson was not actually that far off; though Kìlì’s eyes were a lighter brown. Fìlì’s hair was a far brighter gold color and his eyes, oh his eyes were just…

_No, stop right there. That’s quite enough. I don’t care if it’s a dream I’m not going to gush like some crushing schoolgirl and wind up embarrassing myself_

“You’re awful quiet you know. Are you sure that you are well?” Emily shook herself of her thoughts.

She was having a really hard time wrapping her mind around her surroundings. It was becoming more and more difficult to keep the sinking feeling in her gut from consuming her. The longer she felt the chill of the night air, the longer they stared at her, talked to her; the more she realized…

… _this is actually happening._  

She gave Fìlì a nod. The truth was no, but she had little choice but to deal with it. She didn’t want to burst into tears and cry on anybody in the company though. They were all pretty much strangers, and with her voice gone she wouldn’t be able to say anything. Let alone explain why she was crying.

_And why in the world couldn’t she talk!? It’s not like this was necessa…..Oh._

Maybe it was There’s no telling what all she could change if she was able to tell them what she knew about the quest; and what if they thought she was nuts? Never mind, she practically laid Fìlì out on accident by falling from the sky, but…

_…why was she here? Why her? And what about her girls!?_

“This is absolutely absurd!”

Emily whipped around and stared at….Saruman!? Oh, well this looks like a problem. The white wizard appeared to be arguing with Gandalf, Elrond? And…that was definitely Lady Galadriel.

“With all due respect Saruman, the dwarves asked for a blessing and they received it. What in Eru’s name is absurd about that?”

Emily ignored the argument between the white council that was slowly drawing the others in…

“Like it or not, wizard, we have our blessing. Now if Lord Elrond would read our map?”

“NO. I refuse. This, **boy** , is hardly what I would consider a blessing…” Emily tuned him out.

_Bl_ _essing huh? Well that…kinda explained why…ooooooh. That would also explain why she felt the need to pack pretty much everything…wait. Where was her back pack?_

She ignored Fìlì and Kìlì and did a few more circles to try and find her pack.

_There it is_

She made her way over to it. It had landed right next to where she tackled Fìlì; nice and out of the way of the argument. She unzipped the bag and rifled around for her phone. If this wasn’t a dream then she wanted physical proof she wasn’t crazy. Emily didn’t notice two dwarrow follow her. Fìlì and Kìlì watched her, and she almost bowled both of them over when she turned around.

“What’s this?” Kìlì made to grab for her phone but she held it away from him and shook her head.

Dang it, not being able to talk was already getting on her nerves. This was going to be tough.

“May we see it?” Fìlì put an arm in front of his brother. Most likely to keep him from doing something stupid. Emily sighed. She wasn’t sure if showing them modern technology was a good idea, but she did turn her phone on anyway. The brothers stared wide eyed at the little black rectangle that suddenly glowed. She smiled at their expressions and pulled up her camera.

“Perhaps the boy is a sign that it is too soon to be setting off on such a quest. After all, not even Men take one’s that young with them on hunting expeditions.”

Emily tried to show them her camera by taking a picture of Saruman.

_Oh dang it. It’s too dark…where’s the flash button?_

“Saruman please, we have complied thus far. You cannot deny that the youngling comes from a place beyond our kin…”

_Oh, there it is_

“I doubt that greatly, what proof do you…WHAT IN THE NAME OF ERU!”

_Oops, well whatever. You totally deserve that._

Emily smiled sheepishly as every pair of eyes turned to look at her.

“What was that lad!?” Balin seemed to be the only one to find his voice.

“His black rectangle can make flashes of light!” Well and Kìlì.

 _…and why does everyone think I’m a guy?_ She looked down at herself and winced. Her figure was not exactly visible due to a combination of a loose hoodie and a size to small sports bra. _That’s it I’m throwing this bra away when I get home…. **if** I get home_.

She was completely unprepared for the horde of dwarrow that came toward her; Orì was at the front, much to her shock. They all crowded around her and took turns trying to grab her phone.

“Enough.” Fìlì grabbed her by her waist and hoisted her above his head, out of reach from everyone’s grasp. “The flashing rectangle belongs to him. If you want to see it, then ask.”

Now Emily was just more confused. At first, she brushed off their behavior thinking that Fìlì and Kìlì were just being their nice and mischievous selves. Especially as they introduced her personally to the company, explaining who everyone was and what they did. Now, she wasn’t so sure.

_What kind of Mary Sue fanfiction am I in?_

Fìlì set her back down, glaring at the grabby dwarrow as he did.

“If you wouldn’t mind, perhaps you could show me your…flashing rectangle?” Orì had taken off his hat and gave a little bow.

_Awe he’s so cute. I wonder if any of them would mind if I hugged him..._

She smiled easily and showed Orì the picture she took.

* * *

 

“It has been decided then. I will read your map Thorin son of Thraìn, and should you need any supplies we would be honored to provide.” Elrond bowed lightly. Thorin merely nodded and wisely kept his mouth shut.

“Well,” Balin cleared his throat. While his face was blank Thorin could see a ghost of a smile. “That did not go as I expected.”

Thorin sighed and watched his nephew and nephew to be. The little black device the lad had was intriguing, he would have to request to see it sometime.


	6. Peas Porridge Hot, Peas Porridge Cold, Thankfully This One's Not 9 Days Old

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I've been busy. I have family in right now. The ones in this story actually. Plus I took all day yesterday to study Khuzdul. So I apologize for abusive use of Khuzdul. Hopefully I did these right. The Dwarrow Scholar is truly wonderful :D

After a while, Emily grew tired of recording the dwarrow and taking their pictures with her. She wasn’t sure what time it was, all she knew was that she was exhausted; physically and emotionally. She didn’t want to be rude, but she couldn’t help but shut down. Emily just stopped listening to anyone and let her mind wander.

_What am I going to do?_

* * *

Fìlì kept a close eye on his beloved. Uncle had called him over to discuss something with him, though he couldn’t quite keep his focus on their conversation.

“Fìlì!”

“Yes Uncle!” Fìlì’s head snapped back toward Thorin, and he held gaze trying not to flinch.

Thorin sighed. “Listen to me carefully, for what I am about to speak of, is of the highest importance regarding our new found family. Remember **Irakdashat** , your One may not understand our ways. Tread carefully, you do not know his culture, nor he ours.”

“Of course, Uncle.” Fìlì nodded solemnly. He really should have known that in the first place, since his **tabnimiyan Thutrel** was obviously not a Dwarrowdam. When dwarrow fall in love, it is always with all of their being. As they do everything. Once a dwarf finds their other half they are considered married once both parties recognize and agree with their pairing. It is not unheard of for a dwarf to have to go beyond for love when their One is not a dwarf. Though not unheard of, it was rare. As very few dwarrow were ever matched with non-dwarrow, and not every dwarf ever finds their **Bunnel**.

Fìlì watched nervously as his **Nadadìth** spoke to his One with wild gestures. While Kìlì appeared to be putting forth quite the effort to keep him company, his **Thutrel** looked but a moment away from collapsing. Doubt started gnawing at Fìlì’s gut. What if his One did not accept him? What if they did not understand his culture? What if Fìlì could never learn his culture in order to respect it?!

“Go.” Fìlì turned and stared at his Uncle. “The lad is obviously tired and in dire need of a rescue. Go.”

* * *

Emily allowed Kìlì’s chatter to wash over her like white noise. She stared out at the star filled sky and tried to hold back the tears.

_Just a little longer. They need to go to sleep sometime, just a little longer and I can soak my pillow…get it all out. Then maybe I can figure out something tomorrow. Maybe…_

She laid her head in her lap and let out a long sigh.

“Do you wish to retire for the evening?”

Emily’s head shot up and smacked into Fìlì’s hand that he had offered her.

“My apologies….” She rubbed the back of her head and motioned for him to stop talking, then gave him a nod. Sleep sounded wonderful at that moment.

She took his hand and let Fìlì and his brother guide her to where they were staying. When they made it to the patio looking area where all their stuff was neatly packed and waiting for them, Emily noticed that she was still holding Fìlì’s hand. She awkwardly avoided looking at him as Kìlì insisted that she set her bedroll between theirs so they could keep her warm. She didn’t bother fighting it, so she shrugged off her back pack and pulled out her sleeping bag, pillow and a small fluffy blue blanket with snowmen all over it.

As she lay down, she clung to her blanket and buried her nose in it. It still smelled like her room. Emily felt the other two lay down beside her and settle for the night. While Kìlì faced away from her, she felt Fìlì’s breath against the back of her neck. She almost jumped when he laid his arm across her.

“ **Sazlifiya galikhê magabshûna**.” He whispered in her ear. Emily lay perfectly still while her mind raced.

Feeling the weight of the bodies beside her was only a small comfort. She felt her throat constrict as every emotion she bottled away resurfaced at once, causing her heart to clench. It felt like a crushing tidal wave swept her off the beach and drug her out to sea with no land in sight. Where does she go from here? Why is she here? What is she supposed to do? What is she going to do? Where are Amb, Kimi, and Kay?

_Please, I just wanna go home…_

She fought to keep her breathing even as tears streamed down her cheeks. Emily smothered her face into her pillow and silently cried herself to sleep.

* * *

Emily woke up with a headache and stuffy nose. Her back was hurting her as well. Why was the ground so hard? And speaking of pain, whoever was shouting should stop, please….it hurts.

She sat up slowly and rubbed her sleep-crusted eyes, ready to give whichever morning person that was responsible for waking her up the best death-glare she could muster. She sucked in a deep breath and tried to remember where she put her glasses last night before she went to bed.

_Where are they? Wait, the last time I had them was…_

Every memory of the previous night came back and hit her like a truck. Her eyes flew open and she jumped to her feet startling the few people that were also up around her. She forgot that Fìlì and Kìlì had been sleeping beside her. She barely registered tripping before a certain dwarf found himself with a lap full of flustered female. She had accidently stepped on Fìlì’s stomach, said dwarf sat straight up, thinking something was attacking him, in time to catch Emily right before she face planted on the marble floor.

_That would’a hurt so bad…_

She and Fìlì stared at each other wide eyed before the blonde prince’ face split into a wide grin.

“Well, good morning **Thutrelê**. Did you sleep well?”

Emily narrowed her eyes at him, suddenly annoyed. She knew it wasn’t really Fìlì’s fault, but she wasn’t exactly in a good mood.

_You think your smooth don’t you Goldilocks?_

Fìlì seemed to shrink back at her glare. “Forgive me. Are you alright?”

She wanted to be mad, it would be so easy to just glare at them, maybe stay in Rivendell and have Elrond find a way to send her back.

_Except…. Fìlì did apologize, and he did catch her…_

Emily felt her anger melt away as she stared into Fìlì’s beautiful ocean blue eyes.

_Though I guess they’re technically “Durin Blue”…_

“Oi! If ya two are done gawkin’, Bombùr’s made breakfast!” Balin smacked his brother’s shoulder and whispered to ‘ _leave them alone_ ’.

Emily just glared at the tattooed warrior, and the bald doofus just laughed. She rose with more dignity then she felt and pointedly made her way to where the others were seated for breakfast. Sitting beside Kìlì she noticed Bofùr was helping to dish and distribute bowls of what looked kinda like cream of wheat. She went to grab a bowl but Bofùr held it out of her reach and handed it to Bifùr, who was behind her, instead.

“No worries, here you are.” Kìlì made to hand her his bowl, but the strangest thing happened. It barely brushed her fingertips before Thorin barked something rather harsh sounding in Khuzdul, making Kìlì jerk the bowl back into his own lap. Emily stared at the scene; Half of the company scowling, the other half shaking their heads and Kìlì’s face flushed red from embarrassment.

_What….just happened?_

“For you.” She jumped in surprise as Fìlì presented her with a third bowl; kneeling in front of her with his head bowed.

_Ok…?_

Reaching out slowly she grabbed the bowl from the bottom, carefully making sure not to brush Fìlì’s hands. He let it go when he felt her take it and leaned back to stare at her. Emily stared back, unsure of what to do. Her eyes glanced around at the dwarrow but they all seemed to be looking elsewhere. Kìlì caught he eye though as he gestured wildly. He exaggeratedly spooned food from an invisible bowl and ate it. Unconvincingly she might add, but she understood.

Turning back to Fìlì she noted that he hadn’t moved. He was still waiting on her to eat the…whatever it was. She brought a spoonful of the thick grainy…substance to her lips. It was still a little hot so she blew on it and popped the whole spoonful in her mouth. Might as well, especially if this was a typical breakfast.

_Mmm…that’s actually pretty tasty._

Surprisingly enough, it tasted like honeyed oatmeal with pecans. It was a little strange that Fìlì watched her eat but she did her best to ignore it, to each is own I guess, and finished her bowl within a minute. She hadn’t realized how hungry she was. A loud burst of laughter caught her attention.

“How bout’ that! Lad has an appetite!” Dwalin’s bellow was answered by a few hearty chuckles.

She just glared at him again. As much as she liked Dwalin’s character, he was easily annoying her. The teasing was something that she was used to, what with three older brothers, so it wasn’t like it actually bothered her. It was annoying because it just made her all the more homesick.

“Here you are.” Fìlì handed her a refilled bowl.

Emily hadn’t even noticed him get up, let alone take her bowl to be refilled.

_Freakin’ ninja_

Nevertheless, she was still hungry so…that bowl was devoured just as quickly as the first. She denied the third bowl though, while not full she knew a third one was too much. Fìlì bowed his head when she wouldn’t take it again. She was afraid she had done something wrong, but no one seemed offended by her refusal so…. Fìlì took the refilled bowl, sat down beside her, and began to eat.

_Uh? Why would he wait on me to eat? And how could this have gotten weirder than it already was?!_

_**Be prepared** _

_Oh great, there’s going to be more_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LITERAL TRANSLATIONS
> 
> Irakdashat- Nephew  
> Tabnimiyan Thutrel- Beautiful star  
> Bunnel- Treasure of all treasures  
> Nadadìth- Little brother  
> Thutrel- Star  
> Sazlifiya galikhê magabshûna- Sleep good my treasure  
> Thutrelê- My star


	7. You Totally Deserved That

This was _absolutely,_ **most** _indefinitely the_ **worst** _possible way_ to **_insult_** someone's _host!_

And that was certainly saying quite something as Miss, though for her own safety and sanity she was going as Master, Baggins was a survivor host herself.

They were... _bathing..._ in the **FOUNTAIN**! Sweet Yavanna please, if the Elves were to cast them from their halls she hoped she would be allowed to stay.

And as if their personal display wasn't enough; they were trying to coerce that poor girl into joining them! And THAT WAS ANOTHER THING!

Could Dwarves really not tell the difference in gender among other races? While she herself was at first confused, all you had to do was look the girl in the face to tell. Oh, but she wasn't about to say anything for the girls own safety. She wanted to see just how long it would take those rascals to notice the lack of masculine parts. Though she did wonder about the hair under her chin.

Honestly, these Dwarves would be the death of not just her, but all of Middle Earth! The scoundrels knew nothing, and if they did they certainly did not care, about manners or proper ways!

Common folk she could understand, such as Bofùr and his family. But the Durins were supposed to be royalty! Exiled, but still royalty, and there is positively no excuse for his pompous royal arse to behave like a.....

* * *

Emily watched as the famed Bilbo Baggins seemed to angrily mutter to him...herself? Honestly, she's been staring at the Hobbit for probably longer than is polite and she was still on the fence. Mostly because it's always been Mister Baggins or Master Baggins. The book had said he was a he.

_But...Bilbo doesn't exactly look like a he_

It wouldn't necessarily surprise her if the current Hobbit culture would frown upon a woman traveling with all these men, causing her to hide her gender. Actually, it would make all the Bagginshield moments in the book make more sense.

_Well wouldn't all the fangirls be deliriously happy_

After breakfast that morning Mr, er, Mi.....let's just go with Bilbo; had complained about needing a bath. Bofùr, the jokester of the group, stated that there was a nice public bath just down the way.

Bilbo squeaked. "You mean the fountain?"

All this got was a round of gruff laughter. Apparently Dwarrow are not shy about nudity, and do not like fountains.

In Gloìns own words "What sort of dingus came up with a fountain? I can see it as a wonderful bath, but just for decoration? Pah! Only a dimwit would make somethin' that would do nothin'!"

So Emily watched on, apprehension mounting, as the Dwarrow shed _several_ layers while they raced to the solitary stone work in the east garden.

Fìlì had stopped short, most of his clothes still on, and had turned back to her. He made a 'come with me' sorta motion with his arms, but Emily was having none of it.

She was not going to be able to handle seeing **any** naked hairy bums thank you. She still needed to be able to look all of them in the eye without her mind wandering. Plus, there were several she was afraid might scar her. Her time era didn't have brain bleach and she doubted this one did either.

Fìlì looked, crestfallen, when she didn't come. Kìlì dragged her there anyway.

So here she was, sitting next to Bilbo still watching the Hobbit rave and seethe silently while trying to figure out their gender.

...and trying to avoid looking to her left.

"Hey..." _Crap_ " **Nadad**..." _I don't see you_ "Very well then..." _That sounds ominous, please don't come over here._

"Hello..." _Dang it Kìlì!_ "Why don't you join us?"

Emily kept her gaze locked on the wall that had been behind her. She wouldn't put it past Kìlì to try and step in front of her so they could talk. She didn't want to talk, even if she could, she was still furious with him.

Honestly most girls may just swoon with all the attention, especially from a hot naked guy. Emily on the other hand was used to being either ignored, or the guys’ friend. Nothing else. She was 20 and had never even been flirted with!

...ok, that was debatable; Honestly she had no idea. But still, she doesn't want to be knee deep in the hoopla!

"You know. Group bathing in my culture is a very important act. It means you trust whoever you are with because you are willingly to take off your armor. And it's great way to attract Dams."

Emily could hear the cheeky smile on his face. _Does he not know the body language for 'leave me alone please'; Why is he so adamant that I join?!_

_Oh Lord, give me patience cause if you give me strength I'm gunna punch 'em._

"Of course, there aren't any Dams around. But if you do not wish to join us, then perhaps you could at least acknowledge us. After all, you are excluding yourself from the company."

She still held fast, refusing to let him trick her.

" **Nadad**..." _Please stop calling me 'little brother'_

Her shoulders tensed trying not to give in at the pleading note in his voice.

" **Nan’ith**..."

Emily whipped around forgetting momentarily in her shock that there were naked Dwarrow.

_20 minutes earlier_

“ **Nadadìth** ” Fìlì hissed at his brother. “If **Thutrelè** did not wish to join us you should not have forced him.”

Kìlì sighed, his brother did not get it. Male One’s were not considered **Bunnel** , was he so quick to forget that? Certainly more than one Dwarf has had one but they were always friendships, **Kharmul namarakhsun** , shield brothers. Fìlì obviously held **Thutrel** in a much higher regard. Twitterpated was more like it.  

Kìlì would even go so far as to say that **Thutrel** was a woman of men. Or perhaps half, she could be half Dam who knew? Either way he certainly intended to prove it.

“Come on **Nadad**! If **Thutrel** is to be one of us then one of us he shall be!” Kìlì grinned as he schemed.

_Present_

_HOLY!!!!_

Emily’s eyes widened as she stared at not Kìlì, who had whirled out of the way as soon as she spun around, but Fìlì. Naked as the day he was born.

_Lord please forgive me_

They stared at each other awkwardly, Fìlì unsure of what to do and Emily blushing so hard her face looked burnt.

Kìlì’s master plan worked. He only made one fatal flaw. He snickered within hearing range. Before either he or Emily registered what happened, a resound SLAP rang across the gardens.

Emily ignored the stinging in her hand and marched back to the balcony to change while she still had privacy. Unknowingly she left several shocked Dwarrow and one happy Hobbit gawking at her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry guys. I had this chapter in the making at the end of April but life hit me like Bombur hit Beorn's door. My brother got married in my, we moved him out in June and for the pat 2 weeks I've been moving out and into my own house. so, yea. R&R, enjoy.

**Author's Note:**

> All Constructive Critics welcome and I ask that you add a positive comment(Not just for me but for any and every author you like. One nice word makes all the difference to help bolster confidence and courage) about anything you like in the story. Thank you for reading :)


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